The Greater Good

I don't remember exactly which Youtube video I was watching when this thought popped into my mind. I don't know whether to call it a thought or more so a contemplation. Anyway, I believe it was one of the videos from Rich Gilbert but I honestly cannot remember where. Anyway, during the course of the video, the creator mentioned something along the lines of most humans at some point in their life will have to give up the good for the greater good. When they said this, something hit me. I have a few moments in my life that relate to this saying. As I was contemplating on what I had just heard, I knew I had to write something down. What better way than to publish it on my website :).

This writing is divided into three main parts. In the first part, I talk about a major act of faith that my mother did for me while I was still a young child. This action shaped my life and where I am today. In the second part, I talk about my journey learning to code and my thoughts and feelings towards job applications. In the third and final part, I talk about my current situation in life and what I am dealing with. In a way, it ties in with the second part.

The Faith and Belief of My Mother

When I was a young boy looking to get into secondary schools, my mother did something that I believe changed the trajectory of my life. So I applied to a total of 3 schools. One of them was the secondary school branch of my primary school. The next one was located in Enugu State where I lived. The last one was Loyola Jesuit College (LJC), which at the time was the best secondary school in Nigeria. After applications and a few weeks, it just so happened that my interview for the secondary school in Enugu and that for LJC were on the same day. My mother made the decision that I would forgo going for the interview for the school in Enugu. If I was her, maybe I would have tried to reschedule the interview for the Enugu School for another time but she didn't do that. Instead she fully made the decision to drop the Enugu School and focus on LJC. When I went to the interview, the principal at the time told me that I had just about gotten above the pass mark in Mathematics. Basically he said that one more mistake in my paper and I would not have made it to the interview stage. One could say my mother gave up the good for the greater good. She gave up the school in Enugu for LJC. This moment of faith by mother is something I have never forgotten and is hopefully something I never forget.

Coding Journey and Job Applications

I've been learning to code in HTML, CSS and JavaScript/Typescript for the better part of the past two years. I've gone from smaller projects to bigger ones. I've learnt a lot and sometimes when I look back at how far I've come, I'm really amazed and proud of myself. For more context on my journey, have a look at my writing here. Now, one of the reasons I wanted to start learning to code was to get a job. I had friends telling me along the way that it's all good doing side projects and things that help me learn stuff but the truth is that if I wanted to get a job, I needed to start applying to jobs. And they were right to say this of course. But there were a few problems with this. For one, I was using the side project excuse to avoid the process of applying for jobs. I was telling myself that I just needed to practise more, build more side projects, watch more tutorial videos. Basically, I was telling myself to do every other thing except applying for jobs. I was doing everything in my power, intentionally or not, to avoid applying for jobs.

In all honesty, I was allowing my fears to dictate my resistance to apply for jobs. Now these fears were the usual: I'm not good enough, no one will hire me, I don't have professional experience, etc. And looking back at it, some of the fears may have been valid but I should not be the one telling myself these opinions. I should always, or at least strive to always, believe in myself and speak life into myself. I struggle a lot with that but that is a topic for another day. But it was not just the fear talking. I was overwhelmed with the amount of work I'd have to put in to be able to get a job. With not having had a professional role as a software engineer, I was going to be facing a very very tough task of getting a job. Yes I may have done a couple of minor development tasks within my company but they were not enough to convince myself that I was ready. I was overwhelmed with the possibility of spending most of my time doing Leetcode and System Design. Even before that, I needed to get interviews which depended a lot on my CV. All in all, the main theme here is that in this context, I was fearful of doing the things I needed to do to find a job. One might even say that I was afraid of giving up the good for the greater good, but that is both right and wrong

As much as I should have been applying for jobs, I also take solace in the fact that me working on my side projects also helped me to keep in floe, It helped me learn things that I may not have learnt if all I was doing with my time was applying to jobs and doing Leetcode and System Design. Now, you might say that this is cope and maybe there is some cope in this but the truth is I don't really regret working on my side projects. In fact, it helped me build my skillset and learn new things. The only additional thing I will say on this is that cold applying is not feasible for someone like me. I will still try but there's other ways I can go about this. The main key is fully immersing myself in these things. In fully immersing myself, I get involved with learning a lot more through Open Source contributions. This is a goal of mine that I want to achieve. So in summary, the greater good here isn't just stopping my side project quests and applying for jobs, but really it is all about immersing myself in the software world and contributing in any way I can either to my projects or to Open Source repos. Ultimately, I do want a job but I know there are processes that need to happen before I get there. I don't want to bring anxiety upon myself just thinking of getting a job as the main and only outcome, but instead have an open and inquisitive mind to learn and contribute in any way possible.

What Next?

I did say the final part kinda tied in from the second part because it continues on with my coding journey. The more I did code, especially in the frontend/UI side of programming in Javascript/Typescript, the more I started to question whether this was the right path for me. And by this, I meant frontend work. Three main reasons for this. Firstly, I began to realise that I hated CSS and the whole process of styling the page and giving it padding, margin, etc. I will say that my eventual disdain for CSS and styling is most likely down to the fact that I do not have a designer, like most companies do. Now would this alleviate some of my issues? Sure, I guess. But I don't think I'll ever know for sure until I'm in the position where I do have a designer. Secondly, I started to think about my past experience in university. I learnt C++ in university and so I started to ask myself, is it worth to lean more towards that knowledge I gained then. Although I didn't go too deep in C++, I still enjoyed the time I used it to do some work. In addition to C++, I also worked with MATLAB which is also close to, if not, programming itself. So I have been asking myself, is it worth it to pivot back to C++ to continue my learnings. The third reason is that I have been working for 5 years as an electrical engineer for a consultancy. What are the odds that I will go straight from my industry to a new industry doing something totally different from what I am currently doing in my day job. I just felt it might be worth trying to pivot to something that is adjacent to software engineering but within my industry and alike.

So now I ask myself, which is the greater good. Do I keep learning Frontend and Web Development? Do I pivot back to learning C++ and exploring industry opportunities there? Do I learn something within my current industry like PLC programming, Controls Engineering, which may give me a much better time in finding jobs? The truth is that I don't know. I am currently asking God to help me to choose but the more I keep praying and trusting God, the more I am convicted to just decide and act and that everything will work out as it is meant to. At the moment, I am re-learning C++ and hoping to do a few projects with it. I am currently reading "Tour of C++" by Bjarne Stroustrup. I am committing myself into the hands of the Lord to help me. Amen.