Evaluating pride in myself, from the Christian perspective

It’s been a long while since I’ve published anything on here but I had the strong urge today to do this. Over the past few weeks, months and probably even years, I’ve struggled with my Christian faith. It’s been an up and down journey. When I say struggle, it doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in God, but rather I haven’t put into place the practices needed to draw closer to God and truly know Him and live with Him as the centre of my life. Some of the reasons may be intentional or unintentional, but one reason I’ve concluded that probably encompasses all other reasons is Pride. I’ve been reading up and watching a few videos on this sin and I have been able to draw up some key points that I feel resonate with me and I just wanted to share some key points that I’ve picked up:

Being too judgemental, or rather just being judgemental

Over the past few weeks or months, I’ve held this belief that Christians are supposed to be perfect. I’ll give you an example. There’s an NFL player currently, one of the best players in his position and he posts about the love of God and how God is the ultimate being one. This is true obviously, but I would find it hard to believe that someone like that is a true Christian because he has children out of wedlock and as far as I know, he had been proclaiming his belief in God and Christ even before he had these children out of wedlock. Now I know this may sound harsh but honestly, I genuinely found it hard to believe he truly loved and worshipped God, mainly because he had these children out of wedlock and even after all this, I know absolutely nothing about his personal life apart from what I see on the internet.

Another example of a person I’ve found judging a lot recently is Justin Bieber. One of the biggest stars in the world, but anyone that follows Justin Bieber on the internet knows he proclaims his love for Jesus Christ. But as someone that has been judgemental of him, I found it hard to believe when I would see all the negative things about Justin on the internet especially with his wife and I would just take this as he is not a true Christian, when in fact I also don’t know everything that goes on in his personal life, most especially I don’t know his heart and neither do I know the heart of the NFL player in the previous paragraph.

I spoke to a friend about this recently and he really made a good point that has stuck with me since. He said that even though we strive to be like Christ, we are still human beings and we are covered with flesh and all it’s earthly desires and faults. As long as our hearts are truly for God, then we are already victorious and honestly, I don’t know why I never thought of it like that, but maybe it was the devil just trying to hinder me of letting go of these unnecessary and harsh judgements. This is definitely something I need to put into more practice everyday that at the end of the day, every human has their own personal struggles but as long as we strive for our hearts to be in the right place with God, we shall overcome all.

Outwards appearances and works matter most

This is one issue that I’ve had for quite a while now. I know many people that post verses on instagram, twitter and whatsapp. I know a few people that when you see them and the way they talk about Christ, you’d definitely know that they were Christians. However, what I struggled with was when I kept asking myself: “How do I get there?”. It really can be quite intimidating and demoralising, and it was for me. I’d see them and think, yes those are true Christians and then I’d see myself who didn’t really do all those outwards stuff regularly and call myself a bad Christian. Now when one has these thoughts and feelings, there are two main options: either keep reading on the word of God and meditating on it in order to build a relationship with God or just get demoralised and lose the fire to get to know God better. I was the latter in this case, unfortunately. I got so demoralised that I wouldn’t even put in the effort at all and just see myself as a bad Christian. One of my best friends even told me that this wasn’t a good thought to have but to no avail. What I struggled to grasp and understand was that these outwards appearances weren’t just an overnight thing but a consistent meditation and studying of the word of God in order to make their hearts for God.

I think this is something that I know I have to let go off and instead, focus on my heart and my relationship with God. Easier said than done, but very doable.

Being weighed down by my past transgressions

I think this is one aspect/issue that resonates with me the most. As Christians, you’re preached or told that it doesn’t matter how much sin you’ve committed in the past, as long as you come with a repentant mindset and truly confess your sins, you will be saved and God will forgive you. However sometimes the devil (pride) has other plans.

One thing I’ve struggled with basically all my life since secondary school is sexual sin. When the spirit leads me, I profoundly confess and repent of them. However, over the past few months, pride has done a number on me that I honestly find unbelievable.

Now many people might know just how nice sex is. Sometimes, it’s so nice that you forget it’s a sin (outside of marriage) and try to find ways to justify it. Isn’t that funny! This was me. Because it felt good when I did it, I was finding ways to justify doing it. At some point, it had gotten so bad that my spirit would rebel against acknowledging that what I was doing was a sin and that I needed to repent. I would tell myself I was so far gone that would God even forgive me? Would God still see me as a Christian after I repent? It was very complicated feelings and thoughts. And this is where pride falls in. The fact that I believed that my sins were greater than the grace and love of God was very prideful and wrong.

Conclusion

This little write up was necessary for me. I wanted put my thoughts and feelings to “paper” and really just highlight the trials and tribulations I’ve faced as a Christian over the past few months and years. My goal by the grace of God is to just be closer to him through prayer and reading the word, even through the difficult days that for sure will come along. My whole life is a gift from God, from my friends and family to my acquaintances, and I should act accordingly, and not like my life is in my control. All Glory to God.