3 Things The Death of My Mother Taught Me

My family and I had just moved into our new house where we live in Enugu, Nigeria. This was around December 2015 when we moved in and after a few days, my mum got ill. It was a very strange illness because after her visit to the hospital, the doctor said she was lucky to still be alive. As a human being and someone that loves family, hearing that statement sort of shook me. The fact that my mother could have died that time made me scared not knowing the worst was yet to come.

We all prayed and hoped she’d get better which she did for a while but the illness once again hit her stronger. She kept going for tests and treatments and they would work for the meantime but yet again the illness would hit even stronger. It was as if one step forward for her was immediately followed by two steps backward. Her vital organs kept failing steadily and slowly. This was the story of our lives until she passed away on the night of the 18th of October after a 3 year battle with this illness. She was avery brave and strong woman and I will never ever forget all she did for us and everybody she came in contact with while she was alive. I lost my mum at the ripe age of 44. My life has never been the same since then.

All my life, I envisioned my mum and dad growing old together, reaping the fruits of their labor, seeing her grandchildren and by the grace of God, her great-grandchildren. I was 20 years old when she died and losing my mum at the age that I was at has affected me in ways I can’t even put into words but I believe this will be a teacher for the rest of my life. I’m gonna talk about and write down a few things the passing of my mum has shown and taught me about life.

1. The grieving process is for the rest of your life: After the death of my mum was revealed to me and my siblings, we cried profusely as expected. I don’t think I’ve ever cried the way I did that time. It was and wasn’t a shock to me at the same time. It was a shock in the sense that I still had faith and prayers that my mum would eventually turn good but wasn’t a shock because her body was unrecognizable from before the illness hit her and deep down I feared the worst. Since then, I’ve cried in the most random of places from my university lecture theater, to the computing labs to a train, bus or any of the common transportation services. The thing is you can never go in thinking you’re not gonna cry because these tears just hit you anytime and anywhere. And then it finally hit me one day: This is how life will be for the rest of my life till I die. Now I’ve learnt not to hold back the tears when I feel them coming up because it is only natural and part of the process that’ll go on for the rest of your life. I’ve made sure to always remember the good times I had with my mother and know how proud of me she would be. Unsurprisingly, I’m crying as I’m writing this.

2. Not many people understand what you’re really going through: And really this is the truth. Not too many people around me in my life and at my age understand what I really went through at that time and what I have been through since then. I am eternally grateful for the friends and people that sent me messages and heartfelt condolences after my mother’s death but the truth is that it just doesn’t and will never take away the pain I go through every single day. I’m not blaming anyone at all whatsoever but haven’t gone through what I am going through right now, it’s fine but it’s just a harsh reality of things that I have to deal with now that my mum is no more. I still have pictures we too while she was healthy and i can still remember what was happening around the time each photo was taken because that is all I have to remember her by. I will never know how she would have looked in her old age but I will always remember what she was to me while she was alive and that was a beautiful and caring mother.

3. Life goes on: Really and truly, this is reality. The time just immediately after her death, I was flooded with messages and condolences in uni, from friends everywhere but life didn’t stop and won’t stop because she passed away. Her death affected me deeply for a few months and during those few months, I was finding it hard to do anything. Not that I wasn’t doing anything, but it was coming much harder to me. I was quite angry that during this moment of my life, while I was going through a really hard time, other people were having the time of their lives. I kept asking myself “Why her God? Why her?”. My mother was a good woman and she was selfless. After her death, many people she had helped in one way or the other reached out to me to tell me how great she was. I cried during each message I read and phone call I received of such. It never dawned on me how much she had helped many people, even people that weren’t really her friends, she still went ahead and supported them and that is my mother’s legacy: A Selfless Helper. If I can be as much as half of what she was, I would be so proud of myself. Everyday, I try to stay motivated in this life because I know that’s what she would want and I have no doubt whatsoever that she is watching over me and her family from above, in heaven.